(no subject)


we walk we walk
 Do you ever wonder
When you’ll find answers?
 Do you ever sigh
And wish you knew?
we walk
 Do you ever look around
And feel like you see 
 A completely different world
  Than everyone else?
we walk
through this life
 Does your chest ever feel
Like there’s a hole inside it?
 Does your heart ever feel
Like a trapped animal?
we walk 
through this life
 Do you ever wonder
If time is not a line
 But a circle in a circle in a circle?
we walk
we walk through our life
we walk on the moment
 Do you ever think
That death is just an illusion
 Just as life is just a lie?
we walk through our life
without ever knowing who we are


Your mind
Can hide 
Without your knowledge
A whole world
  We eat
sleep walk talk fuck suck scream cry
  We live
Your mind
Can hide
A whole world
And a universe
Inside itself
Without your knowledge
Sometimes the door isn’t locked properly, though 


You’re running
 One foot in front of the other
Mile after mile
 Breath catching in your throat
You’re running away
 Hands and mirrors and shards of glass behind your back
  Thorny words scratching your heels 
    Cold gazes trying to impale you on the ground
You’re running
 Running away
Feet moving on autopilot
 Trying to escape from monsters with foul breath
   And beautiful pocelain faces 
Cold sweat on your forehead
 And headphones in your ears 
You’re running
 Running away
  Running away on a treadmill
You’re running
And the only thing that you’re running away from
 The only thing that’s real
  The only thing that you’re trying to run away from
That’s you. 

(no subject)

It's weird, but even though I am so limited in my ability to have friends, to socialize and to be part of more than one fandom and ship more than one ship I am still prettty eclectic regarding my taste in music. There are so many limitations in my life- I can't be around a lot of people, I can't be with a lot of people for a longer period of time, I'm a horrible group player, I'm reduced to basically one fandom. But stragely I am very flexible regarding my taste in music. 


Motel rooms
And greasy food.
Your cherry lips  
Taste like soft laughter.

Shimmering roads
Long with golden dust.
Your sparkling eyes
Glimm with a sigh.

We're selfish
For selfless reasons.
And selfless
For selfish reasons.

We're broken
And damaged.
But our love
Is perfect 


We're lost on the roads
Heading nowhere
With nightmares at every stop.
Blood is dripping form our lips
Scars adorn our skin

One day melts into another
But it's never the same
The sky is in flames.
Our hands are entwined
And we're lost in each other 

For Leslie (II)

This can be seen as J2, wincest, but technically as everything else, too.
It's supposed to be a mix of J2 and wincest(I couldn't decide) and from Jensen's/Dean's POV. You can see it as a short writing exercise I made for Les. The title is optional and a phrase I might re-use in the future.

Title: Cornflowers Blooming On Your Skin 

There are lavender blossoms and cornflowers blooming on his skin, his limbs heavy and threatening to let him fall, but warm hands are holding him up. His eyelids are heavy, with exhaustion tugging at them and then there are lips on them, soft and light as butterflies, letting them fall shut. He can feel strong arms around him and it’s like their warmth is seeping into him, healing him from the inside and filling that dark hole that’s still inside of him. He’s carefully lifted up and set down on a soft surface that seems to suck any rest of energy that has been left right out of him and leaves him with a sigh. When he feels the mattress dip and a strong body press against his back he allows himself to drift off into sleep, knowing that there won’t be any nightmares tonight.

For Leslie (I)

Some J2 drabble I wrote a few days ago for Leslie.
Established relationship(kinda)

Title: Those Two

They couldn’t remember a time when they hadn’t been together, always in each other’s pockets, always having the other one nearby. When one of them slept over at the other one’s they shared a bed. There was always one part of them touching- arms, fingertips, legs, feet- it didn’t feel right when they weren’t around each other, when they couldn’t reach out for each other. When they moved out and got their own apartments it didn’t change.
 Their lips slightly brushing, their hands slowly entwining when they were cuddling on the couch while watching a film- it just became part of their relationship, just as the nights they spent together in each other’s beds had always been a part of their life. It’s normal to them, the sleepy nose-kissing in the morning and the sweet phone calls during their lunch breaks. 

Drabble: More Than Words

Title: More Than Words
Pairing: J2
Note: Small, mini-angsty. Kinda for Leslie. The narration is probably from Jensen's perspective. But you can see it as Jared, if you want to.

They live together. They work together. They spend more time with each other than with anyone else. They are just two guys that fit together. He feels, like he'll never find anyone else who will be able to make him the person he is now. He's in love. There's this warm fuzzy feeling inside of him, all the time. He wants to ask, if his feelings are requited. Every time. Wants to ask if that what seems to be between them is just something he imagines or if they are on the same page. Because he just doesn't know. He's always on the edge, can't know if he's interpreting too much in a sentence, a few words or not. He feels like a damn teenage girl. It's making him go crazy. And then it's all going down. Being drunk was never a good idea and being drunk and just the two of them? They don't do that often, mostly because they just don't have the time for a hangover. But this is different; this is them celebrating on another season, on another year together. And the way he says 'I'm so happy that I ended up together with you here', with that warm look on his face- he can't help but lean forward and press their lips together. It's soft and chaste, his heartbeat flutters and when he draws back he can't bring himself to look up. 'I just. I wanted to tell you this for a while. And. I just.' Why can't he just be confident enough to form normal sentences? Because this means so much more to him. More than he would have ever thought. There's just silence. And he knows. He knows that he's gone too far. He doesn't know what to do. Everything is a mess. A mess around him, a mess in his head and he just can't get a grip on what he did wrong. He thought that everything was pretty obvious and that he was just making the right step- and now he's left hanging, waiting for everything to crash. He screwed up. And he can't help it; he hurts too much, so much his eyes get all wet and huge. And then there's a warm hand over his and a shy grin shining at him. The tears fall even though. With a smile.